I have discovered a new meditation app, called Insight Timer. It is definitely the most user friendly meditation app I have come across. I still have to use one of their meditations that I did not enjoy doing and think most of the ones I have done so far are excellent.
I try to meditate at least once a day for at least 15 minutes. It is not always possible, but I try. I have, since discovering this app, also used it two nights in a row, to help me to fall asleep. It worked like a charm.
I am normally an excellent sleeper, but I have been dealing with a lot of personal stuff around suicide and depression. When it is close to heart and home it is more difficult to detach and I find that my mind stays a bit busy with it. So, I have the tools and I used it. It works!
What I want to share today is a most beautiful meditation I ran into on this app. It is by a lady, called Sarah Blondin. You can learn more about her Live Awake Project here: https://www.liveawakeproject.com/. What really hooked me is the content of her ``Healing through letting go’’ meditation. You can listen to it here https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Sarah%20Blondin%20Letting%20go. I just love, love, love her voice!
I started typing the words for you to read while listening to the meditation, but then thought to myself that it must be available in written form already. It is too amazing not to be. So I called on Dr. Google and he did not disappoint.
The funny thing is that the first hit was from this site: https://thisismyodysseyblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/30/letting-go-reciting/ and this was the introduction to this post: ``I stumbled upon this amazing woman by the name of Sarah Blondin, and all of her guided meditations resonate with me. This one in particular about letting go. I will be writing the words to it. Enjoy. Healing Through Letting Go.’’
I copied it, because I so share her sentiment.
``A part of me wants to keep my eyes closed and pull the covers over my head; block out the light trying to be turned out in my room.
A part of me wants to stay right where I am and wants not anyone or anything to jostle me or ask me questions, push me forward.
A part of me wants to hide in my anger and fear, in my stale beliefs with my pointing fingers, my victimhood, my righteousness, and wants to defend why life is not easy
A part of me wants to tell the world I have been hurt too many times to move ahead
A part of me wants to justify how my pain has left me frozen, petrified, and unable to let go
A part of me is so afraid to look at what is hurting me that it would rather escape than face it.
A part of me is so afraid to open my eyes because the very nature of waking up is to be aware, to be accountable, to be responsible for the healing of my life. And knows I will need to take on the task of loving myself until full
A part of me is so afraid to look and to see because it knows the fingers I have been pointing will be pointing back at me. The angry eyes I have been looking out at the world with are my eyes. My responsibility.
A part of me knows that when caught in anger and pain I will have to ask myself, “Is this really worth my misery?” “Is the price I am paying worth my one precious life?”
A part of me is afraid to see because it knows that in seeing I will be asked to let go and that in letting go I will be asked to be reborn. And that in being reborn I will have to uncover who I truly am.
A part of me knows that once I begin to see I will never be able to un-see again. That in waking I will begin the sometimes scary process of perpetually moving forward. Process of stretching and growing and then stretching and growing again.
But another part of me knows in every ounce and inch of its being that I am serving no one, not one single life by staying asleep.
A part of me is beckoning to move up and out from all of the places of un-growth, the dark rooms, the stagnant air
A part of me is being propelled up and out into this great wilderness and asking to discover the power hidden in the creases of my skin, resting on the tips of my eyelashes, traveling in the veins that surge through me
A part of me is not afraid to look, who longs to see, who longs to live in my freedom, who is calling me into the wide expanse of my being
A part of me knows of my source, knows of my magnitude, knows of my duty, my call, to stop choosing to stay asleep, to follow my pain until I realize there is nothing more for me to do with it but lay it down
A part of me knows this and calls to me in all of my discontent and gently shows me signs of life on the other side, shows me the gift of rising up and out from the bed I have made on the ground.
(Focus on feeling your body)
Can you hear that small voice inside of you that has been telling you there is more to this life than what you have been choosing?
Can you hear that small voice inside of you that has been gently guiding you to your heart all along?
Can you hear that small voice inside that is telling you, “when you are ready you are welcomed to join me in the truth of your great beauty.”
It is here, if you listen closely behind the dense hurt and bondage lives another part of you, standing tall, feet strongly planted in the earth, palms turned to face the sky, earth rejoicing around its feet, heart loud, clear, resolute, eyes wide open
There inside of you a wondrous part of you is calling you to step into the land of your great un-bounding potential, freedom, and abundance,
Any change or forgiveness you have experienced in your life was not because someone else made you let go. It was because you chose to. The power is yours. The choice is yours.
Do not worry yourself too much with how to live from this self. Do not worry yourself too much with how to release your pain. Do not worry yourself with the practical side of this. For there is an intelligence living within you that has guided you to this very moment, hearing these very words. It is helping us open our eyes and its guiding here always to this heart, to our wholeness.
Guidance comes in many forms and phases. So do not worry yourself too much with how you will ultimately arrive at your freedom. For it is the work of magic and miracle.
All you must worry yourself with is listening intently for that part of you that is not interested in staying and suffering any longer.
All you must worry yourself with dear one, is listening intently for that part of you that already knows what to do to arrive at the door of your awakening.
You are longing to be more alive, you are longing to be fully present dear one, precious light. You are not afraid, you are ready dear one, to be accountable, to be wholly responsible for your life.
Life itself is pure of being, empty of suffering. Life itself is free from anger and fear. Life is here for us to live in wonder of and to open our eyes to our ability to let go of all that hurts in order to find our liberation. To drop the notion that we are owed anything from this life and realize that instead we owe it to ourselves
A part of you knows this as truth. A part of you can hear a deep and resounding yes to the pulling of the covers off from over your head, because it knows your life, your one precious life is so worth it.’’
I hope you love this as much as I do.
The message that I get from this and which I professionally and personally prescribe to, is that with a diagnosis, comes a responsibility to address it.
I always say that the thing I love about recovery, is that I can take responsibility. The thing I hate about recovery, is that I HAVE to take responsibility.
For most of my life I used the phrase “I didn’t know” for most of my mistakes and shortcomings, but today, due to recovery, I know better and I cannot use that excuse, for whatever reason.
Today, I do know and that means that I owe it to myself and, to a lesser degree those who love me and society at large, to do something about it.
Today, I take responsibility. I do so with pride. I do it with dignity. I do it, because I know, I am worth it.